The joys and woes of love

I've been thinking a hell of a lot lately. Far more than is healthy, that's for sure. I'm always thinking about everything (and nothing all at once), but lately, the idea of LOVE has been very very all-consuming. So consuming, it's almost become an obsession. But at least it's a thought I can easily entertain myself with when my head is full of unnecessary boring information (like work training today - ugh).

So where do I go from here? Certainly, I'm not in love with anyone, but I'm in love with the notion of BEING in love. I haven't been in a relationship in a rather long time (far longer than I care to admit), and it's fair to say I feel a bit lonely. I believe I deserve to be in love. After how long I've had to wait - I deserve to be head over fucking heels in it, so deep that if I was drowning I wouldn't care. I'm ready for the metaphorical drowning (but please keep water out of this - I do rather value my life).

I'm happy thinking about love, sad because I'm not in it, feel like I'm forgetting how to love, angry because of the void by my side. In my heart. And wildly happy that I'm free, free to choose who I wish for. But who do I wish for? WHAT I wish for is painfully clear - and far too painful to dwell on.

Am I the only one who thinks like this? I sometimes wonder. Sometimes I think I feel far too deeply. Maybe that's the problem, being a highly spiritual Piscean. I feel and think at such an intensity that sometimes not even I can handle it, and wonder if anyone else hurts to the point that I do. It seems to me as though LOVE is the ONLY language that I was ever born to understand.

All I know is this. Good things happen to those who wait. I'm forcing myself to wait because I have to. I DO BELIEVE IN FATE. Someday my dream lover will fall into my life like a magical saviour, and one day, I will ask him in a whisper, unable to contain my happiness - 'Where have you been all this time?'

Until then, I will continue to wait.
Cryssie xxxx