Weird is good...

Things are weird. Things have always been weird, I guess, but now they are the epitome of weird. At least I think that's how you spell epitome...

Some of you know I'm going through a strange, yet wonderful enlightening time right now, and those of you who don't...well, you do now. My mind is annoying me by thinking too much, as usual. But this time, I can't switch it off, no matter how hard I try.

I miss people - a lot.
I miss travelling - a lot.
I miss time to myself - a lot.
I miss not having a solid creative outlet - most of all.

I'm reaching an epiphany...of sorts. I'm analysing everything I've ever known, ever experienced, ever believed in up until now. I guess it helps to do that, in order to understand yourself better. I won't change, only grow from my knowledge.

I'm writing a lot lately, getting stuff out of my head, which helps. Nothing helps as much as making a new film though, but I don't have the time or energy to organise actors, crew, locations, catering, permissions, film processing, editing....my head hurts just thinking about it, so a film will have to wait. And my camera needs a service before I start anything.

I feel like some higher power is trying to steer me in a direction that I'm dying to go in, but I keep hitting a brick wall. In my frustration, I choose the 'clear path', only to find it makes me unhappy, and wanting to run right into the brick wall, even if that makes me crack my head open and all my little thoughts spill out onto the footpath. Making me vulnerable as all fuck.

Geddit?

Yeah, it's tough. Hey -that's life.
But no matter how hard the road, I can still say I'm loving the journey

Cryssie xxx