I think I'm in love!

OH my goodness!

Something so beautiful, so clear, so easy to use....and the colours are amazing!

It was like someone took my eyes, my mind, my thoughts, visions, tears and joy and painted them onto a photographic canvas. Like a living, breathing watercolour. I've never seen something so gorgeous!

Ah, Fuji Superia 200 speed film - how I love thee!

Pie is delicious

I was doing so well, and then it hit me again. I have read some great advice to help me get through this. I am just SO tired of the rollercoaster. I'm great for a while, and then every 21 days, I feel like shit again. One guess as to why.

I never use the word hate. But I HATE hormones!

Today, I broke down when I heard Fleetwood Mac. I fucking LOVE Fleetwood Mac. But for reasons that I will keep to myself, the sound of Stevie Nicks' beautiful voice is just too much for me right now. There is a deeper reason for all of it that might sound like the most ridiculous idea - but the songs that used to lift my fragile soul are now shattering it to a million pieces. None of this is fair.

I have gotten so much amazing advice. The one that has kept me going lately is to NEVER get inside anyone's head except my own. And it was working remarkably well. Guess I forgot about that advice for the last couple of days though.

But I almost think the reason I'm going off the rails is because there's another reason I'm feeling this. I can feel others' emotions even when I don't want to. I think that somehow, you're starting to crack.

Or maybe I'm upset because you're not.

When Karma finally gets to you, MATE - I only hope that you have the maturity to understand why you deserve it.

But I'd be wasting my time, because you will never be capable of mature thoughts.

Excuse Me...

...while I laugh, and play the world's smallest violin :o)

Once Upon a Time...

My pretty eyes look so beautiful when they're weeping
If only you could see.
Are you missing me?
I would sooner die than admit that I miss you
Because you are not worth missing.
I know that somewhere, somehow, it's catching up to you
And if you love her, why won't you tell her?
You are a shame to this world.
She's so oblivious that she can't even see it written on your face
So young, so innocent
As was I.
No longer will I fall for it.
She can have all of it.
And so can you.
Far, far away from it all,
Yet I still feel it, know it, dream it.
I never even knew that I was so connected to you
Can you feel it too?
I am aching for your two months of purgatory
You are going to fall in a way that you never thought possible
And you deserve every minute.
I once thought that I had done something right to deserve you
And now...
The Universe has shown you that you are not worthy of me
And she can have all of your distance
I hope you are connected forever
You deserve nothing less
And I will show the world what I am made of
And what you left behind
On the day you walked away

Meet me halfway...

*sigh*

So, here we are again. I think I'm getting tired of these crossroads. I'm moving forward to hit a brick wall, and then a small opening appears in the wall. I try to squeeze through, but then someone starts throwing bricks at me. And no one helps me one way or the other.

Fuck it!

The Ruby River

Today will go down in my history as the day that I snapped out of it. My life holds a different meaning. Today is the day that a lot of my innocence was lost. What I saw, I cannot unsee. What I felt before means nothing. What I feel, I cannot validate. I can't shake it, nor do I want to.

I will never forget what I saw, how I howled and screamed until my head hurt with sorrow and anguish at the tragedy I saw today. I have never been so traumatised in all my life, like the screams of a million souls were breaking out of my body and reached forth to a deaf universe.

Today is the day that I have decided to do something about it.

Static, Interrupted

Oh, my my...

Oh Ruby...don't take your love to town

Somehow, I'm still in the peace stage. That website helps me decipher the white noise in my head. I'm so grateful that my head is filled with nothing but the white noise. The static is beautiful.

Yeeee Haaaaawww!!!!

That is all.

Too good to be true

So, today I discovered that the term 'Prince Charming' = Socoiopath. Good to know.

I knew something was too good about all of it. At any rate, I'm learning my lessons by the day. And I get a little stronger each day. No one can fight my battles except for myself, so I'm fighting.

It's amazing how many guys are the same. Wow. Oh boy was I blindsided. Never again.

Oh, and by the way? You can keep him!

#%^$%(()))_^&$#&*()_)*%!!!!

FUCK that felt good!!!!!

Montreal

So, this is how the story ends
Upon deception and lies
And you're with someone else now,
Looking into her eyes
Does she know what you've done?
How you cheated me?
When you look at her
Do you think of me?
Somehow, somewhere, you're guilty
You won't keep the charade for long
It will be written all over your face
When you hear our favourite songs
Your anger is a temporary patch
You cannot live with yourself
And I will ensure that no one believes
The lies which spill from your mouth
Sooner or later the cracks will show
You will be set up for a fall
And when no one's there to catch you
You'll remember Montreal
(We'll always have Montreal)

Never Again...

So, I haven't been on here for a while. 12th August 2008, to be exact.

Funny...one day after my last post, I met someone incredible. Someone who changed my life forever. And yet, the reason I am returning to this blog is because of that same person. Everything comes full circle in the end.

I was cheated on by the person I held so dear to my life, my heart, my soul. Yes, the same person that I met on that beautiful day in August, 2008. I had the most incredible time with him, learnt so much, healed so much, LOVED so much...

And now, it's over. He always evaded the truth, no matter how much I told him that I would rather be hurt by the truth than by a lie. And when he called to break up with me, nothing changed. I deserved the truth, and I never heard it from his lips. My sixth sense told me the answers to the questions that I never dared to ask. My sixth sense has yet to let me down...

You know, when someone cheats on you, you immediately wonder what you've done wrong. You blame yourself. You wonder about the other woman, if she's prettier than you, or nicer than you, or thinner than you, bigger breasts than you, or not as clingy as you are. Being cheated on brings up insecurities that you never even knew existed.

Despite everything, I regret nothing. Life is a series of experiences in which you must decipher your lessons to be learned. I am still figuring out what all the lessons are, but I wear my wounds with pride. I have nothing to hide.

And it took me an entire month to figure out that it wasn't me who'd done wrong...