How many tears have to bleed through these wine eyes until it stops? I'm so tired of this pain, this endless despair. I don't know where it has come from. Maybe my past is catching up to me. A friend once told me 'you've had a hard life Cryssie'. I never for one minute thought that was true until she said it. I still don't want to believe it's true. My life is perfect. Life is not meant to be easy, but mine's never been hard. Look at all the people around me that are going through far worse shit than me, so I have no right to grieve, no right to cry...because my life hasn't been that hard.
But maybe I should stop being a martyr and just fucking give myself the right to greive. I deserve to be upset about stuff. I'm so grateful at least I know how to let it all out, how to express sadness, and not always with tears or anger. I need to give myself that right.
Above all else, I'm so grateful for everything that I've gone through - because of it, I've come out more loving and more compassionate than people realise...and only I will understand why :-)
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